Stores


This unfortunately named women’s clothing store was spotted by A Helluva Town reader Anne S.:

Lucky Wang

Methinks Wang’s luck has run out.

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Hippo Shoes

It’s not easy to read thanks to my lousy camera and lack of photography skill, but the store in the middle, found in Midtown Manhattan, is called Hippo Shoes.

Sounds like the perfect place to find accessories to match the new outfit I bought at Manatee Clothiers.


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welcome-to-new-york1

The NYPD released numbers this week showing that the city’s murder rate is down 23 percent so far this year over the same period last year, and crime overall has dropped 13 percent.

That’s even more than the Dow, which is down a mere 11.56% year-to-date (as of market close yesterday).

Of course, there were still 80 homicides in the city between New Year’s and March 22, but hey, if you’re reading this, you weren’t one of those 80, so congrats on being alive, and on your increased chances of staying that way!

Looks like it’s time for those 5th Ave tourist T-shirt shops to stock something new.


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derek-jeter

“What gym do you go to?”
“Derek Jeter.”

I didn’t realize that could be a legitimate conversation until I was walking by Madison Square Park and noticed the place in the above photo. In case you can’t read the sign, the place is called 24 Hour Fitness Derek Jeter.

It’s not just a gym, though. When you walk in, you’re in a “nutrition” store, kinda like GNC, stocked with all sorts of dietary supplements. Behind the supplement store is the gym. Now, aside from the horribly awkward inclusion of Jeter’s name in the name of the business, nothing’s really wrong with this, per se.

Jeter’s lent his name to many products over the years: a car, a cologne, Vanessa Minnillo. But with several of his Yankee teammates in recent trouble for steroid use, you have to wonder about the wisdom of attaching your name (awkwardly or not) to a supplement store/gym.


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times-square

I’ve been on the subject of NYC landmarks lately, so let’s talk about Times Square.

It sucks. That’s right, I said it. Times Square sucks. Now, some of you may want to defend Times Square as a can’t-miss-it tourist destination, the Crossroads of the World, etc. To you I say: WRONG!

The place is overcrowded, overpriced, and overhyped. It’s overrun with tourists who believed whatever guidebook told them they’re getting the real New York experience, but any real New Yorker knows to avoid the place whenever possible.

Yes, Times Square has big–enormous–billboards and TV screens and stock tickers and news tickers, and yes, even the police station has neon lights. But all that gaudy, phony commotion just makes it Las Vegas East. I mean, the biggest billboards there are for stores and banks whose nearest outlets are miles away. Miles.

Also, no matter how small the buildings and billboards are in your hometown, what self-respecting human being takes a vacation to look at advertisements? I’ll save you a bundle by letting you stay home and watch some click-through ads online. They even blink, just like many of the ads in Times Square. You may not be aware, but there’s a lot of other stuff to do in this city.

Yes, Times Square has big–enormous–stores and restaurants. And there’s not a single one you’d even think of walking into in your hometown (and they’re ALL in your hometown, BTW). I mean, Bubba Gump Shrimp? Because nothing says New York like a pseudocreole chain restaurant inspired by a fictional New Orelans-based fishing company in a fictional movie and created not really to feed people but to sell them some logoed T-shirts and shot glasses. It’s so ridiculous that it makes the Billabong store (as in surfing gear and surfer fashion–not exactly the heart and soul of Manhattan) look like a venerable NYC institution.

Real New Yorkers don’t eat at Bubba Gump because they know a great little shrimp place. Real New Yorkers go to sample sales, not to Billabong. And real New Yorkers know that New Year’s Eve is better spent indoors, where you can drink legally and avoid frostbite.


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Photo taken in the Diamond District (corner of 47th and 5th, specifically) by a friend of a friend:

diamonddistrictpic

Rejected captions:

“What can I get for an overbearing mother-in-law?”

“Wow, this recession is worse than we thought!”

“Wholsesale only”


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